quinta-feira, agosto 23, 2007

USER’S MANUAL - a surviving guide for foreigners.

How to deal with a Brazilian woman:


1. Calm down! She’s intense but she won’t bite.

Even though she’ll miss you more than you are used to, and say that she loves you, and try to treat you like you could never expect, and really care for you, she won’t force you to marry her and/or she'll never ever keep one eye at your bank account.

2. Relax!

She needs to be treated with no rules or fences. Even though she’ll maybe leave you some day, she wants to feel that you care for her. So don’t be afraid to show affection. She feels really nice when you walk holding hands, when you call her in the day after, when you answer e-mails, when you call her dear, sweetheart, baby, love...etc. She knows it all means that you've been thinking of her, not that she’s allowed to move in to your house.

She can – and will – show up with no warning. Brazilian girls like to simply go there and take a look at you. Just because. Just to say hi. But she is not STALKING you. She is really really just saying hi. No restraining order needed.

3. Intimacy

A Brazilian girl can invite you to her house, and this is no big deal for her. She can even introduce you to her family, or meet yours, and she won’t be thinking that this is a commitment of some kind. She’ll be happy to meet your family, and even feel she’s part of it for a couple of hours. But commitment is a whole other thing.

Hold her, kiss her, walk holding hands. Don’t be scared if she calls you just to say where she is or what she’s doing. This is the way we are. We love to be kind and gentle and show how we think of you, but we are never thinking you should buy us a diamond ring. Oh...and if you do, don't get on your knees to propose - we find this weird.

A Brazilian girl would cook for you, do your laundry, and clean your house, because she’s taking care of her man’s house. She knows she does not need to do that and you would never ask, but it’s stronger than reason.
Even if you don’t think you are HER MAN, even if you told her so, she’ll still look at you as you were, simply because YOU ARE, FOR NOW. Maybe not tomorrow.
She will do it all with a lovely smile on her face, and when it’s all ready; she will wake you up with breakfest in bed. Don’t run! She’s not getting married or moving in. She’s just enjoying the day with you. Again…she won’t stalk you.

If or when everything goes wrong and this relationship ends, she will have you as a best friend, forever. Not all of her moves will be to have you back. Probably just to show you how special you've been.

4. Gifts and letters

Oh my god, can you please calm down?
You don’t need to delete her from your life only because she bought you a gift. She is not “buying” you nor proposing anything. She’s just giving you a gift. The same if she sends your mother a gift. Same with love letters, missing you letters, thinking of you letters, telling you the truth letters. Just read it and answer with a lovely line, will you?

5. Sex

Well, buddy, now you are really adrift on troubled waters with no compass, to say litte.
. This girl did not think about sex during high school. Gosh, she lives in a catholic country!
. This girl had sex for the first time with a serious boyfriend, not just a date or a cute boy.
. This girl calls a couple living together “husband and wife”.
. This girl learned at home that she should stand for her man, love him and respect him like nobody else. And she sees ANY boyfriend as her man.

So you might be thinking that she is a huge problem, but you are wrong.
The fact is: she does not know the meaning of casual sex. She will get involved!
She won’t have sex with you if she does not fall for you. And if she does, you will have an entire woman in your bed.
In her Brazilian mind, sex is a very special moment she will never forget – even if you do it just once and never see each other again. When you have sex with a Brazilian woman, you can be sure that she has serious feelings for you. Even if she does not intend to marry you tomorrow morning.
And again: she does not know the meaning of STALKING. If she tries to reach you, it’s just a normal act!

6. Serious guidelines

Don’t be distant.
Don’t look weird at her when she’s being intense.
Don’t keep trying to tell her that she does not fit in your life.
Don’t show her that she scares you to death.
Don’t make her think that she is in the bottom three things of your 20 priorities’ list, even if she is!
Don’t be a cold bastard. She’s Latin and you should know what that means.


* To Laice and some other girl friends in troubles.

12 comentários:

Rachel disse...

Nhooooooooooom!!!

Esse já ta no arquivinho da rach pra posteriores consultas ou necessidade!!

kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

Bjokas Mê!

Alice Salles disse...

Ai meeeeu deeeeus!
Como eu tava precisaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaada desse manual!!! SANTO DEUS!
É perfeito... you totally nailed it!

Besitos Meeeeer!

Carolina Garofani disse...

Aren't we ALL in trouble all the time??
And we'd think Brazilian boys would know those things... *shakes her head*

obrigada, mê <3

Flavia Melissa disse...

gosh!
i DO love you!
gracias, memecota.

but... i couldn't help on wondering if only brazilian chicks act like this... it sounds me sooooo... every-women-thing!

grrrrrrrrrrrr...
where is the "e-mail this link" buttom?

Fastolf.b disse...

Ahn...
It sounds, to me, like a "no-women-thing".
Women are always afraid of everything and the first to run.
A guy that runs is a chicken. Totally different thing!

Mercedes disse...

Fastolf, my son

You came from outer space! That's the reason why you think this way.

Men RUN! Period!

Alice Salles disse...

Men DO RUN...


AND I DO KNOW IT.

... disse...

wow! that's it!
i'm a brazilian woman!
that's exactly the way i am!
thanks for describing it so well!
AHAHAHAHAHAHA

kisses

p.s. well... I'm a gay one and WOMEN DO RUN as well... but I think... INTENSE is the key word here... "we" are quite TOO intense almost all the time, and this scares the others (even if "they" are brazilian but... "not that intense!!!")
;)

marcos freitas disse...

although i can understand what you mean in this text, i think you're talking about very special women and the average men's behavior to face it, but when you take it as the very opposite, average women and the very special men!!! (yeah, it's quite possible and it does really exist!!! hehehe) ...then i think it's the same way as Di has said... "you" are the first to run!!!! ...and you chicks run like chicken (oops! "pun alert! pun alert!") AHAHAHAHAHA

anyway, woooow!!!! thanks for this incredible post

beijos
m.

p.s. check your mail box hehehehe

Fastolf.b disse...

There you go...

Derek disse...

Chicks crack me up.

Marilia - C8-H10-N4-O2 disse...

<3